Jaunty Lesbian

Another post, heaping with vulnerability and real talk coming up. Turn back now if you’re afraid….

Because the first thing we are going to discuss is my period. It’s been 69 days since that asshole showed up - shattering my previous record of 51 days. I’m 51 and 51 is the average age of menopause in the US. I long to be average when it comes to menopause. I’m sick of this shit. Seriously. FORTY years of this is enough. Every time I go to the bathroom, I fear this asshole will show up like a party crasher who lingers. Sloshing their drink about - staining my underwear. GTFO. I don’t really know how all this works or is supposed to work because Judy Blume never wrote that book.

Recently, Andrea asked, “How’s Lisa*?”

“Oh. She blew up her life - came out as lesbian.”

“Wait. What?! When?”

“Ummm. Back in the summer?”

“You know - sometimes you really are the boy.”

Fair. I pause to scour my brain for any other updates I may have missed & come up with none, but say with a shrug, “Yeah. It seems 50 year old women are blowing up their lives.”

Andrea replies, “I’m glad you blew your life up early.”

“Me too.”

Although, there are times where I imagine selling most of my worldly possessions, and squeezing into the cottage. But imagining and doing are two totally different things.

It takes a lot of courage to blow your entire life up - to listen to your own still quiet voice that whispers, “No. Not this - not anymore.” It takes even more courage to trust that voice and step into the unknown, “I don’t know - but what I do know is not this…”

Later, the same night that Andrea pointed out my failure to relay important information, I recall that while I was in Illinois Halloween week, I learned that the Brown’s Chicken by my grandma’s old house closed. I consider telling Andrea immediately, then decide against it only because she was sleeping. Fortunately, I remember to tell her the next day. Not as big of news as blowing up your life and changing teams, but honestly, it's up there. You could go through the drive-thru at Brown’s and get fried mushrooms. What a world - and now that's all in the past. Sigh.

Last weekend, Richmond hosted their annual marathon which makes it near impossible to leave our home - but we did - following this sign… If only there were signs as obvious as this for all of life’s inconveniences.

One of the spectators had a sign that read, “Finish for Francine.” Richmond has a weird, little vibe. You might not immediately notice it during a visit but if you pay attention, you may just feel it - in the murals, the united public uprising when Francine went missing,

Getting back to our home on marathon day wasn't as easy so we stopped at a local architectural salvage shop where I scored this amazing lamp.

An amazing find but we really should remember to leave the city marathon weekend or stay home. As we snaked our way back home, Andrea said, “Oh! That's where the jaunty lesbian from the polling station lives! She walks by our house with her dog.”

Indeed - the lesbian did seem particularly jaunty as she greeted us at the polling station. That was the face of hope and she wasn't wrong - Abigail Spanberger defeated Winsome Earle-Sears - a woman who had declared that gay couples should not be allowed to marry & said that she thinks it's okay, “not discrimination”, for someone to be fired from their job for being gay. So honestly, I bet the jaunty lesbian was especially jaunty waking up the day after the election. Our home was jaunty - Andrea asked, “Does this mean that things & people aren't as horrible as we believed?”

“Well - just for today we shouldn't end it all.” I had replied darkly.

Because that’s all you can do - choose each day. Have the hope of a jaunty lesbian at a polling station.

Richmond mural (pic below)

*not her real name. At. All.