What’s it all about, Alfie?

I always hesitate telling stories that aren’t my own or that I hear indirectly. But writing is how I makes sense of things that don’t make sense and how I quiet the noise in my head.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Soren Kierkegaard

My uncle has memory impairment - Alzheimer’s, dementia. Call it what you will but he doesn’t recognize his wife of many, many years. I don’t know how many but their oldest is my age so longer than 48 years. He’s in a facility now, after hospitalizations and care at home by his wife and all that accompanies that - which is messy and hard.

Memory impairment is cruel. Bit by bit, pieces of the person disappear although they are still here. It’s a long, slow goodbye. Then, a permanent goodbye follows. The mourning continues, beginning again. My uncle had expressed his wishes to not have a funeral.

I’m sad for my aunt and cousins. And I’m sad for my cousin who is my age but I’m not going to go into that here. If he happens to read this - I love you and think of you often.

My mom will often quote the refrain of a song, asking, “What’s it all about, Alfie?” Which really is questioning the meaning of life.

Last night, mom texted that to me and I finally asked, “Who the fuck is Alfie?”

Seriously - who is this poor bastard that’s being asked to explain something as complicated as the meaning of life?!

Turns out this song comes from a 1966 movie and the song has been remade several times throughout the years - by Cher and Dionne Warwick.