Are You a Lesbian?

Last night I attended the company holiday party that was held for our other, out of state location. Sometimes, I’m not sure about this place. People are definitely not as friendly as they were at my other company which is a depressing reality. So I think it was nice to spend some social time in the company of midwesterners who tend to be a friendlier lot than most New Englanders. While just chatting with the wife of one of the employees, she inquired if I was married. And I replied that I was married to my partner. Her face lit up and she animatedly asked, “Are you a lesbian?!” And I laughed and replied, “Uh. Yes.” I laughed for several, immediate,  concurrent & imaginative thoughts ... 1) no one has ever asked me that outright; 2) my immediate snarky thought was to say, “Oh no! LAW partner. Yeah - I have a firm on the side.” 3) I was making mental note that in the future when people introduce me to their opposite sex partner to reply, “Are you a heterosexual?!” 4) I was slightly scared that she was looking for a post party threesome; 5) I was more scared she believed gay people should be burned at the stake. She replied that one of their four sons was gay and he too had a partner. This mom talked about how she worried about her son because of the world we live in - and I think she was relieved to see someone twice her son’s age who had navigated to middle age. I was reminded of how Harvey Milk talked about how we always must always come out and I thought of how people have to do that on their own time table - which may mean they never do it which I find sad because it means they may be denying themselves of that one perfect someone out there. Am I a lesbian? I’m just this woman who loves this perfect someone who happens to be a woman. “Every gay person must come out. As difficult as it is, you must tell your immediate family. You must tell your relatives. You must tell your friends if indeed they are your friends. You must tell the people you work with. You must tell the people in the stores you shop in. Once they realize that we are indeed their children, that we are indeed everywhere, every myth, every lie, every innuendo will be destroyed once and all. And once you do, you will feel so much better.” Harvey Milk