I haven’t written in a while. At night, I fall into many layers of sleep. I’m submerged, several layers under, in the murkiness of enveloping dreams. I’m aware I’m dreaming but it’s as if I am observing the dream from a distance. Waking up is like slowly rising to the surface & then breaking through it. I recall only fragments throughout the day - fragments that I’m unable to piece together to make sense of the scenes that played out throughout the hours. One long spool. I'm unable to look them up in my dream book in an attempt to decipher meaning. The good news is that I’m falling asleep and, for the most part, I’m staying asleep. Sort of… this week’s been a bit off. As I wrote this, my eyelids were heavy, and the room was filled with occasional snores. Elliot, whom I admittedly give a lot of shit to, was asleep between Andrea and I, his head on my pillow, his paw is stretched out towards me which was simultaneously endearing and terrifying. I feared he may awaken abruptly and skewer one of my eyeballs.
This morning I rolled up to the drive through at Dunks - a short drive I could make in my sleep. In fact, I probably do as I fumble my way there after rolling out of bed. This morning, cat woman greeted me and I was so startled that my sleepy eyes bulged a bit. I thought perhaps I was still dreaming, then said, "Ohhhhhh!" "Happy Halloween!" Cat woman chimed. Yeah. Happy...I’m in a bit of a funk lately and if you’re paying attention to what’s happening in the world, you should be in a funk too. Sure, maybe what's going on isn’t happening directly to you, but chances are it’s happening to someone you know. Maybe it’s impacting someone you even purport to love. Earlier this week, a friend on Facebook shared that the rabbi of the synagogue up the street from her had received flowers at the door of the synagogue with a note of support. My friend wrote, "If we can't hold onto our belief in the natural goodness of people, we're all lost." Which reminded me of a quote attributed to Anne Frank, “It’s a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.” Believing this can be a challenge. And yet, if Anne Frank could believe this, then must believe it. Recently, I came across a news article boasting about an act of kindness that someone had done and I remember thinking, “This is how bad it’s gotten - people who act with kindness are newsworthy.” In retrospect, maybe that reporter knew that a spotlight needed to be shown on these acts so we could still believe that kindness existed. Maybe the reporter needed to be reminded of the good in others. Maybe, we need to try to believe a little – believe that our cat wouldn’t skewer an eyeball (on purpose anyway).