I’ve been told “things will look better in the morning”. When I woke up this morning, it didn’t really feel as if that was the case. I suppose it is but I also think that sometimes, it takes more than one morning to gain some perspective. Or maybe it requires more time in bed? Hahah. Ain’t nobody got time for that. When I think about some of my colleagues at work and what they are dealing with or have dealt with, I cannot believe they are walking the hallways, smiling and doing their jobs.

So here I was. Driving to a work event this morning. Trying to gain some perspective. And my Waze routes me past Sacred Heart Church in Waltham where I’d attended the funeral of the wife of a beloved colleague and friend years earlier. Then I look at Facebook on my phone and see it’s Jeanette’s daughter’s last day of eighth grade. She’s completed the grade I was in when I met Jeanette at the bus stop and is entering high school next year. I can’t believe Jeanette isn’t here to see this.

Things don’t look better yet. They look unfair and like bullshit.

After I wrote last night, Andrea said, “I loved it.”

“Ugh. Why?” I asked – which is my standard reply to any compliment on my writing from someone very close to me who may be obligated by marriage or blood to say.

“Because – it was vulnerable Maggie.”

“I hate vulnerable Maggie.” I say, rolling my eyes while motioning at them in a stabbing motion with a fork. The worse part about vulnerable Maggie is how she keeps showing up these days. When I was enlisted in the Army, I would visit my parents when on leave and as I departed their home at the end of my leave, I would sternly order them not to show any emotion. “NO CRYING!” Later, I’d stare out the window of the plane as it lifted off the ground, high above the flat lands that had been my home for 17 years, tears streaming down my face betraying the emotions I’d hidden from my parents.

In a few weeks, I am going to the SHRM conference and Brene Brown is the keynote speaker. Ironically, Brene is all about vulnerability. Watch her show on Netflix. So good. I love vulnerability and think it's great - for other people. I think that’s how most people feel - we can recognize and appreciate vulnerability in others, just not ourselves. Maybe Brene will give me some perspective? Let's just hope that gd vulnerable Maggie doesn't show up during her keynote.