Every day, there is some action to take to move the moving process forward. Emails and texts to reply to. Questions to ask. Contractors to pin down. Rooms to de-personalize and to pare down. Furniture to move. Stuff to go through - donate? Discard?
Last January, I watched a few episodes of Marie Kondo’s show on Netflix and fell into a rabbit hole of organizing our own home. The two items I didn’t organize were books and clothing. Too daunting. Too personal.
I probably have clothes in my closet and in totes from size 6 to 16. I wish this was exaggeration. But it’s true. Wardrobes of all sizes bursting from my closet and filling totes.
Books are easier. Not easy. But easier. I went through the books on the 2nd floor and will work my way down to the 1st floor and then, finally the basement.
When I got home from work today, I sat on our bed and contemplated lying down. Then I remembered that I was going to work out with friends. “I could tell them I don’t feel well - that I’m having a small nervous break down. That I’m overwhelmed with all that has to be done to prepare to move. I’m sad to leave them. I’m afraid of uncertainty. Of not knowing anyone.”
I look at the pile of workout clothes next to me.
”Fucking endorphins.” I mutter, beginning to change my clothing.
I’m on the phone whining to Andrea when Anne and Sue pull in to pick me up. I hastily hang up and go to a class taught by a woman who see us all.
“Don’t isolate. Get involved!” This woman had recently advised, referencing the move, “You’ll get depressed if you don’t.” I agree with her without admitting she’s right. It can be scary to be seen.
On January 5th, I weighed myself in front of this person. I’m not sure what was scarier. Her seeing my weight or seeing me.
At the exercise class, I don’t think about the move or our whiteboard that outlines the many steps we need to take between now and the move. I wonder if I will build community again - these people who see me fully, wholly, deeply. We move through the class - spin, strength, and finally onto the yoga mat.
Yoga is all about settling into the present moment. It’s about sitting with discomfort. People say yoga “practice” for a reason - because it isn’t easy, in more ways than one.
60-minutes later, we have arrived at the end of the workout, shavasana. Also known as “corpse” pose. We lie on the mat in the darkened room. Palms up as if receiving the moment. There is no other moment but this one. Benediction and grace and presence. Namaste.