The annual deluge of back to school photos is beginning to take over my Facebook feed. It’s visual proof that the years have flown by. At the beginning of the week, Jeanette’s husband, Chris, shared a picture of their daughter, Sydney, who is starting her senior year of high school. Sydney’s picture is beautiful and it feels like a gut punch in that it takes my breath away. I stare at it, studying it, looking for signs of Jeanette - which aren’t hard to find. Many people comment on the resemblance. Senior year. Jeanette was able to see her complete kindergarten before cancer consumed her, claimed her. It’s beyond unfair. It’s absolute fucking bullshit. It casts a shadow across the already cloudy day. Later, the sun peeks out and chasing the gloom away - my own and that of the day.
On Saturday evening, Andrea and I hosted a game night with 2 other women Andrea had met playing trivia. One of them is close to my age and the other is a little younger than Andrea. The younger of the two lost her husband a years ago, I don’t know how but I know it’s also unfair. How could it be fair?Absolute fucking bullshit. This woman - she carries it well but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.
It’s been a long while since we hosted anyone. I remembered that a benefit of hosting anyone means you really take a good look at your house. In our case, it meant Andrea relentlessly pursued the bad smell in our fridge that’s been plaguing us. The smell is gone - and along with it, things that had expired months earlier. We need to make more friends and invite them over so things don’t get lost in our fridge for 7 months. I wish that last part, 7 months, was an exaggeration but it’s not. Gross.