Yesterday after work, I opened a floodgate and told Andrea all the things I’ve been carrying in my mind and on my back. The things that have weighed me down and pulled my shoulders up to my ears. Many of which I have little to no control over which means letting go. Letting go sounds easy - you just unclasp your fist. Open your hand. Let it leave your mind. How do you do that?
After I’d told all my troubles to Andrea and she helped me solve many of them, she tried to tease out why I don’t ask for help, asking, “Does Scooby Doo solve the mysteries alone?!”
Later, I pointed out that Scooby primarily gets scared and eats snacks. Which sounds a lot like me.
No amount of therapy will help me ask for help or understand why I’m so reluctant to do so. I know it’s okay, necessary and healthy to ask for help but goddammit, I can do it - slower & with great difficulty and much anxiety. But yes. Done. Off my to do list and out of my restless mind, at last.
Summer began early for us - with 2 separate visits from friends, then 2 separate visits from our moms. Today touches off weeks of travel that concludes after the July 4th holiday. It’s times like this I try not to peer out too far but rather amp up my mindfulness practice and stay in the moment where my two feet are, which, at the moment happens to be the Richmond airport. I’m heading to Vegas for the annual HR conference. There are some people who love Vegas, I am not one of those people. In 2019, Andrea and I attended the HR conference together & saw everything we ever wanted to see in Vegas - the Mob Museum, the neon museum, and even the creepy Zak Bagans museum that I “made” Andrea go to. We also visited the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon. As Andrea will attest, I’m not a gambler. But I am grateful for the opportunity to attend this conference, earn recertification credits for my profession, and to see some of my work colleagues. Last year, former President George Bush spoke at the conference - I did not attend his session because he’s #2 on my list of worst presidents ever. This year, Bill Clinton is speaking. I know you can give me a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t like Bill - and I know what those reasons are and have my own reasons, but I find Clinton’s charisma and charm irresistible. I mean - I wouldn’t want to be married to his ass. Be for real. Clinton is on the main stage on Monday & seeing him means you bring nothing into the session. And by nothing - I mean exactly that. Phones and bags are not permitted and even note taking is not permitted. This makes for a bit of an ass ache but I’m committing to Bill. I recall watching his Inauguration Day parade in Ft. Rucker base housing when I lived there. It felt like an illicit act with most soldiers being Republican - but I was pleased.
My company completed an acquisition of another this past week. The last acquisition I completed in my career was in late 2020 and there were over 200 employees so this group of 18 seemed manageable. Although - this workforce, like mine, is fully remote so that was a new experience. At times, I can still taste the sour, bitter aftertaste in my mouth related to my last company - which was good to me so long but then it was bad to people I cared about so there’s the bitter. But with the bitter is the sweet - the experience with acquisitions and the forethought around the employee experience. I often think of my old SVP of HR & how exceedingly patient he was & how I was probably a pain in the ass to supervise. I think of Dean - who had the best poker face ever. And now - here I am, leading a team with out the benefit of Dean’s poker face or Tim’s benevolence.
There are some people who think my book is about my last company.
You're so vain
You probably think this book is about you
Spoiler alert: it isn’t.
But if you behaved badly, and have a modicum of self-awareness, you may recognize yourself in the book. I hope you have self-awareness because that’s the only way change is possible.
I’m plugging into the moment now & posting this before take off.
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